Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The Drama Behind Those Pretensions

I’m the melodrama type of person masking in hilarity and mirth. The type that find it easier to grin than explain to people who won’t understand anyway. You know, hiding an emotion is probably the habit that I mastered over the past few years. And trying to infect it on someone at least in this blog is very satisfying even if deep within me is struggling to hide the reality of it. Just call it plain personal diversion or my own version of tequila and nicotine.

As a middle child, I developed the nobody-cares-why-bother mentality, the its-your-lost-not-mine attitude. And if there’s a need to hide my disappointment the happy-mask is always ready in my backpack for it. Ready to play the masquerade that I so reluctantly made to make it looks like I was never affected. But things don’t always go as what they seem. Because the more I hide the more it becomes obvious. To make things even worst I become pretentious trying to be somebody that I’m not.

Last month I also learned something inevitable, something real, and something I need to chew over when my grandma died. I realized it’s hard to pull a smile when your face is pulling down. No mask can hide the melancholy of the tears that is flowing on my cheeks that time. No shame and pretensions can stop me from expressing what I feel inside. And when I woke up the next morning all I can remember were the tears and cries that wipes away those pretensions and turning it to something real.

No more happy-mask, no more melodrama, just a combination of it,haha.

4 comments:

soreal said...

i'm sorry u loss ur grandma dear :'(
don't worry though about being melodramatic coz there are hundreds of us out there :)

julai said...

Hi nenan,

thnks for d visit and I'm sorry for your grandma's passing. My condolences.

dru said...

offtopic: thx for visiting my blog..take care :D

Anonymous said...

hey... i'm sorry to hear that..

just sure that He has His way... :-)