Jealous Conversation

I love talking to my cousin through YM during my lazy Saturday afternoon or when I find it a sufficient excuse in not doing my laundry after my Sunday rituals. Yes you heard it right; I do my laundry most of the time. But I don’t want to talk about it. It’s my cousin’s amusing way of conversation. She just makes every boring topic a little interesting. We literally talk about almost everything from her boyfriend’s soiled blue-shirt to her hairy “askal” puppy. It seems every topic is worthy of an Oprah Winfrey show even if it doesn’t make any sense at all. Laughs!

Yesterday we had an interesting conversation turn argument that took almost two hours. This time it wasn’t about her “askal” puppy neither her boyfriend but it was something a little personal and quite alarming. It was about her cat’s jealousy to her puppy. By the way she has a 2-month old cat I teasingly called “hello-kitty”. She found the cat abandoned in front of their gate very dirty so she took care of it. It was so cute and cuddly at first but after few weeks it become so violent that it pushes her puppy away with its sharp fingernail. Maybe animals get jealous too, she told me. Huh? Why would they be jealous and why the hell you’re being bothered by that cat. Weather it’s jealous or not, animals are animals. They are freaking violent in nature, I told her. But she reacts purely absurd which I don’t dare retort back. However the conversation continues with a little argument, a little high-school biology and anything in between.

I remember my mom brought my cousin to our house when I was still in my short pant playing lego that hesitation slowly crawling up my face. Hesitation of something I don’t even understand that time. I felt uncertain the moment she arrive, uncertain of my mom’s attention that she might steal away from me. No, I don’t have attention-deficit-disorder and I was never a “ksp” when I was a child.

I was actually jealous.

As a jealous little brat, I acquired that it-is-all-about-me attitude, the kind that competes for everyone’s attention. The kind that behaves violently when being threatened and cry like a baby to emotionally sabotage someone’s affection.

I became her constant adversary and I made her life miserable. But the more I pushed her the more she gets my mom’s attention, the more I get jealous.

You see, jealousy can bring the worst out of us. We may not be like the cat showing up its sharp fingernail, but our ulterior motives reveals more than that. Unless we take the extra mile to think of others than ourselves; we will still be the same person the rest of our lives. It was so funny how a simple conversation could dig out my past and reminds me today on how to live my future.